Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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