On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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