Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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