I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
