I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
