if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
