He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want to make out with him forever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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