3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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