My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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