i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
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I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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