I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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