Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
