then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
