I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
