Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love accidental penises.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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