Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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