I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
