and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
