Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
