I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
