Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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