She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
