i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
