I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
