Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
