Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just invented taco cereal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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