He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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