You're so nebulous sometimes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
