He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Randomize
