yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
