Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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