Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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