Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's get the cat blown out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
