my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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