update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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