I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
