don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
