you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
