using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
