Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
