alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
