All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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