you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
