he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
