So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
