If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
