Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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