i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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