I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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