I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
