I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
