It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
