you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
