peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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