well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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