You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
