Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
