You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
