literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
