she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
