Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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