her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
