break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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