i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can text with my tongue
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
