my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
