I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
where are my eyebrows?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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