YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
