i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
