I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
