Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
