This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
